Would the Will of God for me demand for Sex Prior to Marriage?

Happy Monday readers & followers,

Thank you all for your feedback and comments, keep them coming :). I have enjoyed the questions and answers session with our readers, thanks for taking your time to contact me.  I'm always happy to help. 

I would like to thank Hephzibah radio 'Before I do show' for their regular invitation to the radio show, I've always enjoyed being part of the show, as a guest/co-host.  I'm highly honoured to be part of the show. If you want to know more about the radio show, kindly join the Facebook page 'Before I Do'.

There's a question that I would like you, my knowledgeable readers and followers to offer your views.  I believe the person that asked the question would appreciate your comments. All comments are welcome.  I will offer my view in due course.

The question is:

If my girlfriend is the Will of God for me, why does she always want us to fornicate? Wouldn't the Will of God not demand for sex?

Your comments are welcome!

- Myss Lafunky

Notes: I recently joined a book club.  Some of my girlfriends and sisters are in the process of reading a Christian novel titled 'Redeeming Love'; it's written by Francine Rivers.  Francine is best known for her inspirational Christian novels.  I plan to blog about the book once I have read/reviewed it.

The Influence of My Parents: A True Life Story

Hi readers and followers,

How was your Easter?  We are still in the season of celebration.  I’m having a great Easter celebration, I hope you are too.

I would like to use this opportunity to say thank you for creating time to read my blog and I’m also grateful for your comments, when you comment/when you contact me, I feel more passionate.  We’ve had over 20,000 views, and viewing on each post has also increased immensely. 

Remember, if you would like me to write a post on a particular topic, you want to share your life experience to encourage others, or you need help with something; do not hesitate to contact me via our email: trulymakingadifference@gmail.com

The below post that you are about to read is a true life story, one of our readers would like to share his story with us, hopefully, we can pick a lesson from it.  

Myss Lafunky’s team have advised Tom in regards to his story.

Note: Tom is pseudonym.

Reminiscing about my life

I look back at my entire life and I wish some things were different and I had my parents around to talk to me.

I grew up in a home where the children never had any happiness.   Basically, it was crisis mode all the time.  I grew up to be resilient.   

I remember my father calling me unprintable names even at a young age.  I remember praying for my father to have an accident and just die.

If you have never lived in these situations it may be hard for you to imagine; I remember going to school with nothing new, not because my parents could not afford it but it was just not done.

I went to a private school; I remember getting school fees for every school term was a thing that I dreaded.  My siblings and I had to listen to curses, lectures and angry recriminations before anything was done for us.

It made me a miserable shy child whilst growing up.  I was constantly ill.

I remember burning one of my dad’s documents; the document was very precious to him.

I wanted to die whilst growing up, my childhood was a mess.

My mum in her distress and sadness, she turned into partying and she drank a bit.

I remember my so called educated father beat up my mother’s once and I refused to attend school the day that my father had beaten my mother.  

I couldn’t stand his behaviour.  I had no role model, no one to look up to.  I was a rebel during my secondary school days.

My father was a Lawyer; you would have thought that he would ensure justice customs were imbedded in our home. Not at all, he was the opposite. 

I trained as a Lawyer too so that I could protect my mum and sisters.

Growing up left deep emotional scars and physical scars on me; at the age of 13, I was already doing drugs and I engaged in drinking.

I was only fortunate because God gave me a good brain, so I excelled with very little efforts.

My elder sister once hung herself and nearly died as everything was too much for her but I arrived at where she was before she hung herself.

We were very miserable, it affected my sister so much, and she eventually dropped out of university.

Whilst I was at university, I embarked on drinking, sleeping with girls, engaging in drugs, I engaged in everything really so as to forget the fact that I was deeply unhappy.  I can only feel sorry for the poor girls that I dated back at uni.

By the time I was at Law School, I had become a Christian.  However, relating with people was always superficial, I found it difficult to trust people, I still struggle to trust people, and I usually find it difficult to allow people to become close to me.  As a matter of fact, it affected my relationship with my ex-girlfriend.

I am getting better now, however, I had been thinking back for a while now the impacts of my upbringing on me.

How can I move forward from my past? Thank you Myss Lafunky for affording me the opportunity to share my story on your blog. 

Thanks for being available for me; I am gradually building my support networks.

Notes

Below is the response from Myss Lafunky’s team.

Readers and followers, please feel to ponder on this post and reflect on your background, and if you are a parent, please start thinking of the influence that you are having on your children.  

Are they positives or negatives? 

If you are about to get married, I would suggest that, you should start reading books, articles on parenting children, it is time for our generation to break barriers of any negative influences.

- Myss Lafunky

3 in 1 God: God, the Father, the Son (Jesus Christ) and the Holy Spirit.

Happy Easter to our readers and followers.

Let's not forget the reason for Easter.

Kindly read the post bellow:

For there are three that bear record in heaven, the Father (God), the Son (Jesus Christ) and the Holy Spirit: and these three are one ( 1 John 5:7).

“And if the Spirit of Him Who raised up Jesus from the dead dwells in you, [then] He Who raised up Christ Jesus from the dead will also restore to life your mortal (short-lived, perishable) bodies through His Spirit Who dwells in you.”

(Romans 8:11, AMP).

Have you accepted Jesus Christ into your life?  

Jesus is knocking on your heart, please let Him enter.  He is ready to wipe away all your mess and make you whole.  He wants to live inside you, He wants to help you live a life that will be worthy and honourable. 

He wants you to be free of worries, free from the past, and to be free from shame.

He said whom the Son has set free is free indeed.

He knows that you can't live a Holy life without Him. That's why He wants to reside in you through the Holy Spirit, so that He can help you.

The Holy Spirit is extremely powerful.  It's the same Spirit and the same power that raised Jesus from the dead.

That resurrection power can bring back health, strength and life to your physical body, and it can bring back life to your hopes and dreams. In fact, it can bring life to any area that may seem dormant on the inside of you.

Are you going to allow the Holy Spirit that raised Jesus Christ from the dead reside in you? 

Say this Prayer 

Father Jesus, please fill me with your Holy Spirit.  I have been ignorant of the role of the Holy Spirit. 

I receive your Power and Strength to live a life that is worthy unto you.

- Myss Lafunky

My Marriage Is based on lies: Can I Re-Marry?

Happy Monday readers & followers.  It's second quarter of the Year 2014.  A new week and a new month. How is your new week going so far?  

Here goes the post. Please, share it with your friends, you never know the soul that you would save. Sharing is caring:) 

A life of a widow but then again, my husband is alive.  I feel dejected, I feel destroyed, and I feel hopeless. Who would wipe my tears away?

It's now 4 months that I said 'I do'.  My husband and I courted for 5 months. It is to be noted that my husband and I have not lived together since we said 'I do'.

I was 28 when I married my husband; actually I'm still 28 years old. I was pressurised by my parents to marry, every phone call to my mother resulted in "Lara, when are you going to bring your husband home? When am I going to have my grandchildren? All your friends, both childhood friends and university friends are now married". 

I dreaded my mother's phone call. I thought my mother was worse, my father rang me on a daily basis to pray, dad used to say that, you are now old enough to bring in any of your male friends, you are working, you have a car, you are established, you need your own husband; good guys are difficult to find in this day and age, therefore, Omolara mi, I pray that you will find your own husband before the end of this year in Jesus name.

I took solace in going to church. I thought church was going to be better, however, every discussions with any woman was "your bone of your bone will soon locate you in Jesus name, Lara, you are not getting younger anymore, you need a husband, Ronke is now married, Josephine and Sandra that you are older than are having children already, my dear sister, the Lord will do it soon".  When I had pimples on my face, the people in my department linked it to...stress of waiting for a husband.

On a beautiful Sunday, a tall, dark and handsome single brother in my church said he had something to discuss with me.  We exchanged numbers; he agreed to ring me during the week.

Every day of the week, I waited and expected his phone call. He never rang. On Friday night, he eventually rang, I was nervous to answer his call. I thought to myself, should I refer to him as Brother Paul, should I call him Paul, should I not answer the phone or should I wait until Sunday and say that, I saw your missed call.  I summoned the courage, I picked his phone call.

Bro Paul asked me how my week had been, we exchanged pleasant greetings.  Bro Paul said he noticed my latest Audi car, he also noticed that I carried latest designer bags, and I used the latest gadgets.  I wondered why he was telling me what he had observed.  Bro Paul said he would like to advise me to tone down my lifestyle as men would be scared to approach me and they may not be able to afford me due to what he perceived as a ‘luxurious lifestyle’. Bro Paul said he was only informing me his views as a Brother in Christ. Brother in Christ indeed!

Bro Paul said he needed to ask me a question and he hoped I wouldn't be offended; I gave him the go ahead to ask. Bro Paul said, he had been wondering how much I earned as the way I displayed wealth through the things I used were unbelievable. He also asked me if I was a virgin.  I was fuming inside; I decided not to respond.., as the Bible says in Ecclesiastics 4:7 'that we must keep our temper under control'. I told Bro Paul that 'it is well sir. Thank you so much sir, hope you are looking forward to the weekend. Bro Paul quickly ended the phone call and I never heard from him again. I felt humiliated with what Bro Paul had said. 

It was June, the month of my annual holiday break and I took a trip to Texas for three weeks to visit some of my friends.  During my time in Texas, I met a lovely Christian brother at a seminar.  I told my friends about him, they advised me to give him a chance as he could be my Mr Right.

Mr Right said he worked as a Consultant at the local hospital, and that he grew up in Texas and he is a family man. Out of the bloom, he smiled and said he has found his beautiful wife that he had been waiting for. Mr Right and I became inseparable during my stay in Texas. 

It was the last day of my stay in Texas, Mr Right said he would keep in touch and he was certain that he would marry me. Mr Right honoured his words, he kept in touch, we communicated every day via Skype, Tango, BB messenger, Whatsapp, and other social media. Before I knew it, I referred to him as 'My beloved'. 

After two month of communicating with my beloved, my beloved came to visit me in England, during his two weeks stay, he proposed and said he would like to marry me.  I was hesitant to say yes, however, when I thought of the pressure to marry from my parents, church members, and the thought of my married friends, I immediately said Yes.  The engagement ring is a 24 carat heart shaped diamond with two pear cut diamonds on each side, the setting is platinum and the band is gold.  I wondered how my beloved knew what I'd liked. I later discovered that he had asked my friends.

My beloved laid emphasis on meeting my parents as he said he would like to marry me by December.  During his visits, I introduced him to my parents; my parents did not really question him like I would have wanted them to. They welcomed him with excitement, the main questions they asked him were in relation to his age, his career, where his parents reside, where he would like to reside after his marriage to their daughter and when he would like to marry their daughter.

My parents and I planned the wedding without any financial contributions from my fiancé. When he was asked to contribute towards the wedding; he gave various excuses.

We did our marriage counselling via Skype with my Pastor.  My Pastor did not ask us many questions other than the date of the wedding and whether both parents had consented to the courtship, with the hope of marriage.

On the day of the wedding, everyone in my church, and my family and friends rejoiced with us.  My husband's family including his relatives were unable to attend as according to my husband, their visas were not issued on time.  Although I had not met them but they spoke to me on the phone and they also spoke to my parents on the phone. A few of his friends from Texas attended our wedding and my friends in America also flew to England for our wedding. It was a memorable day. 

I was happy to be married, I couldn't wait to join the married people's club, In fact during my wedding plan, I ignored my single friends as I thought they were no longer on my level, I started associating more with the married people and my married friends.

After 2 weeks of our wedding, in fact we were still in Scotland for our Honeymoon, my husband said he needed to travel to Texas in relation to his work, he said it was an emergency work related issue.  While my husband was away, one of my friends contacted me from Texas, she said she was sorry, she quoted a scripture 'all things will work together for your good in Jesus name, because you serve God'. I asked her what had happened, she told me to search for my husband's name on Google. As I commenced the search, my husband's name appeared with his photographs, it was reported within the newspaper that, my husband was in the process of being convicted of raping someone and a murder charge.

It was reported that, he was a high school dropout, who ran away from home and has been engaging in numerous criminal activities; his parents were interviewed, it was recorded that his parents mentioned that their son was brought up with Nigerian values; however, he failed to be taught. The pictures of the parents that I saw on Google were different from the ones that my husband had showed me. 

I was shocked; I didn't know if I should believe what I’d read. I immediately rang my husband, he didn't answer his phone. I kept ringing him, I put it on re-dial. He still didn't pick his call. I emailed him, I bb'd him, I whatsapped, I facebooked him, yet, there was no response.  

He eventually answered my call. I asked him if everything that was written online was a true reflection of him; my husband kept quiet for a few seconds, he sounded remorseful, he answered yes and said not all the stories were true reflections of what he did. He sent his apologies to my parents and he hoped I would find a place in my heart to forgive him, before he hung up the phone call, he said he was likely to be given a life sentence.

My husband has now been sentenced; he is serving 30 years behind bars. What should I do? Everything about my relationship was based on deceit. This is just a summary of what happened. There are tons of questions that I need answers to, and I can only get the answers from my husband.

People that were pressurising me to marry are now saying...it is well, why did you rush into marriage? Why didn't you get to know your husband properly before you agreed to marry him? It is well Sister Lara, God will wipe your tears away in Jesus name, I pray that God will allow your husband's sentence to be reduced. 

God!!!!!! Why me????? 

Should I blame God? Why didn't God stop me from marrying him?

I remember the vow that I declared on the altar: ‘For better For worse, In Sickness and In health, till death do us part.

Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!  What are my options?

Caveat

Names and locations have been changed.

- Myss Lafunky

Stolen Waters

Happy New Month readers & followers.  It's April already, wow! Second quarter of the Year 2014. Happy birthday to all our April readers and followers.

Here goes the post. Please, share it with your friends, you never know the soul that you would save. Sharing is caring:) 

Ken is a young career man, the kind that every lady would have wanted.  He is smart, dark and handsome, honest and most importantly, he is a Born-Again Christian.  This is Ken's story.  I got married to Jane, my Honey Pie, a very successful and industrious lady with whom I attended the same church in the new place I had just moved to. Everyone was very happy for us and wished us the best on our new marriage journey.

I love my wife very much and won’t trade her for another woman but some things happened to me and distracted me, a month before my wedding and I want every man to learn from this experience.

Gles was a very hard working colleague in the office, she had just been transferred to the branch where I worked and had gotten the admiration of everyone in such a very short time. She was very smart and had many admirable characters and I enjoyed working with her. Because we worked very closely with each other, I got the chance to learn more about her and I started developing some feelings for her, the kind that always made me long to get to the office and see her every day.

Soon, these feelings went from just being feelings to becoming words and from words to hanging out regularly after work. In hind sight, this was probably when I should have come to my senses but as the saying goes, stolen water tastes sweet (Proverbs 9:17), I continued in it. I knew what I was doing was not right but I was enjoying it too much to worry about the consequences.

A few weeks into our marriage, my wife’s suspicion about my relationship with Gles arose when she saw a text message on my phone from an Unknown number (which by the way was how I saved Gles’ number on my phone) but I made her discard those suspicions by telling her that I had been receiving such weird messages from that unknown number for quite sometimes.

The final straw that broke the camel’s back of my truck load of errors was a business training that a couple of my colleagues and I had to attend in another city which meant that I was away from home for 2 weeks and of course, Gles also had to attend this training. As it was a company sponsored training, all members of staff on this trip were lodged in the same hotel. Mornings and afternoons were for the training while the evening was for FUN! I spent most of my evening time chatting with Gles at the hotel restaurant and sometimes we just stayed back in my room to chat. 

On one of those nights, we were having dinner and chatting in my room and as it’s commonly said, one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. I felt very horrible after this experience but then again, I didn't feel horrible. It was like I was in a state of confusion; I had just had sex with a woman that was not my wife and though I knew it was wrong because I had always stood for fidelity in marriage and I felt really bad that I had stooped so low but again, I began to feel good about it like I had just conquered a city.

Though after this experience, I promised myself never to allow myself to get into any sexual relations with Gles. And just for the records, Gles never knew I was married, I always hid my wedding ring in my wallet while in the office and then placed it on my finger on my way home.

I returned home after the training and my very own wife requested me to use a condom before I could be sexually intimate with her. I was MAD! What nonsense! I demanded not to use one and told her to never make such a request. At this time, things had started getting a bit awkward in the house because my wife didn't like the fact that I spent most of the time in the office and when I came home, I was too tired to have a decent conversation not to talk of any kind of intimate relation.

Two weeks after my training, Jane woke me up in the middle of the night saying she had something important to say she had something on her mind to tell me to which I muttered “Go ahead then!” She told me she had contracted Gonorrhoea and doesn’t know how she got it, she was in tears and said all kinds of things like “My God will vindicate me . . .” 

I was so angry! She must have been cheating on me I thought. I made it clear to her that night that I didn't want any physical intimacy with her till she got rid of the disease. 

But after all the “fronting” I thought to myself if I actually believed she was cheating on me knowing that she had always been committed to our relationship and that she could have hidden the details of the disease from me and gotten it treated without my knowing. 

That train of thought made me to examine myself and get checked in confidence by our family doctor who was treating my wife also and he confirmed to me that I had Gonorrhoea, and it must have been in my body system for about 4 weeks but for some reasons he couldn't explain, the symptoms hadn't become evident. Without any doubt, I had gotten this from Gles during the training week away. 

It was as though my world came crashing down on me. I had never felt as sad as that in my entire life. I had disappointed myself, my wife and my God. I went straight back to the office and told Gles the truth about my marriage and how I may have caught Gonorrhoea from her and told her I didn't want to continue the relationship and asked her to forgive me for leading her on.

I went home and knelt before my wife and confessed all my perfidy to her and asked for her forgiveness and with tears in her eyes, she said “I forgive you but how can I trust you again?” Those words stuck to my head. I had betrayed my wife’s trust, I had pushed her to the wall just for the sake of my selfish lust.

If you’re reading my story today and you’re already emotionally cheating on your spouse, you can be rest assured that it won’t stop there but will get deeper and in the end you would wish you hadn't done so.

Prayer
Father, as you helped Jesus to overcome temptation and you strengthened him, by the power of your Spirit, uphold me and strengthen me in Jesus name Matthew 4:1-11

- Twale

Photo credit: Google images and http://africancreed.wordpress.com/