Questions
Is kissing sinful in Christian Courtship?
Is romance a sin during Christian Courtship?
While the Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God unless we want to fool ourselves.
The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries. It also makes one have a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.
Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar's wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him.
I will end this write-up with Twale’s comment: “After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax".
Is romance a sin during Christian Courtship?
Answer
I believe kissing and romance during courtship is a sin.
Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.
Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).
Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman”. It is therefore impossible to kiss and at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.
Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).
Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman”. It is therefore impossible to kiss and at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.
Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing. Let’s be on this journey together, regardless if you are in a short or long-distance relationship.
It is possible to stay pure; it is all in the mind and having self-control. Also, regularly read relevant scriptures and articles about staying pure in courtship would help.
If we want to pursue godliness, it is simply the wrong question to ask. The questions we should ask ourselves are:
- Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?
- Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?
- Does it reflect purity?
- Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?
- What do you think God will do if He was in your shoe?
- Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5.
From the questions that I usually receive and the discussions that I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop.
The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship.
While the Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God unless we want to fool ourselves.
I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media have influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.
In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT.
If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desired). And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.
It is to be noted that no Christians that engaged in THKS before their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice that they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.
Notes
· If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.
· Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.
· Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of a second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.
· Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.
· If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advise you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.
· God said that whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13. Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.
·
Final words:
1. You are in charge of your body.
2. You must make every effort to stay pure.
3. You must practice self-control.
4. You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said can two walk together except they agree? Amos 3:3).
5. Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong?
6. Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.
You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.
You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God'.
Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.
True love will not want you to disobey God.
True love will not want you to disobey God.
A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.
The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries. It also makes one have a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.
Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar's wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him.
I will end this write-up with Twale’s comment: “After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax".
In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.
Action Point
Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you can conquer today will most likely be conquered by your generations. Start a good chain of living right today.
Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie. Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn't fully repent and terminate it?
Prayer
Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name.
Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.
-Myss Lafunky
???? Am I missing something? I dont see a write up here
ReplyDeleteHi Anonymous,
DeleteThe write-up is the title of the post and the last paragraph of the post. I do not usually provide a write-up to people's questions until my readers and followers have made their comments.
As I was thought in Church and also what I believe; It is wrong! But to be honest, I fall short of it as I constantly meet men who think there's nothing wrong in doing it. I have also had friends who got married successfully to their spouses even though they did all that..
ReplyDeleteThank you Anonymous for your comment. I will contact you in due course if you are part of the winners. I will also be offering my view soon.
DeleteDuring courtship, especially where the intended couple are in the same geographical location and see often, there is the great tendency to kiss or have some sort of romance. The question of kissing in christian courtship has always been of great concern even to myself. But one thing that i think will help us is asking ourselves this question "what next after the kissing, what does the kissing arouse?" The question in our minds shouldn't be is kissing sinful, but rather what is the aftermath of it.
ReplyDeleteMy own opinion is that kissing in itself is not a sin but i can bet that the aftermath is sin. it takes us deeper than we can handle or we are ready for. Paul said "flee all appearances of evil". The same thing goes for some sort of romance. i am not against holding hands, hugging and likes. But when it goes deep into touching sensitive parts of the body to arouse, necking and sorts- we sure are not ready to handle what these things will do, how they will affect our minds and cloud our thoughts at times when we need to think clearly.
Most importantly, as christians in courtship, the Holyspirit is our guide, and anything the Holy spirit does not count permissible for us, we should not engage in it. As much as these things might seem lawful and normal- "all things are lawful, but not all things are expedient"
Thank you for taking your time to comment Ifekt. I will provide a detailed response, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post. You maybe selected.
DeleteWell to me, kissing is not sinful during courtship but romance is because it mostly lead to sex. Romance/kissing during courtship is good and not good at the same time. It is good to express one's feelings through that but if it has become a MUST every time both parties meet, it is a sin. It should be once in a while thing not all the time, that's why long distance relationship is good in this case, cos, they see less to do such. It also depends on the two parties, if your spouse is always the type that's all over you when you meet, it is a sin cos he/she might have bad intention. It also depends on the foundation you built your courtship on, boundaries and all.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your time to comment Anonymous I will provide a detailed response, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post. You maybe selected.
DeleteI would love to know who you are, if you are selected as a winner. Feel free to contact me via lafunkybabz@gmail.com
Kissing leads to Romance and Romance Kissing!!
ReplyDeleteIf it's a godly relationship booth parties are well aware of the effect of involving in Romance...The bible warns against Sexual impurities and it's consequences and so out of experience i'd say Stay far away from Kissing,Romance or any other sexual Activites.....It's Sin and wrong
Thank you for taking your time to comment Patience. I will provide a detailed response, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post. You maybe selected.
DeleteKissing can lead you to sin.one might be temted to jst over look it and say it doesnt matter bt it sure does.when u kiss, u wud sooner or later want more than a kiss.from kissin to touching before u know it u ve done the real thing SEX.So if u ask me i wud say kissn leads to romance and then sex.Personally i kno dat everytym i kissed my friend i couldnt flow well in my relationship with God i couldnt even pray so d best thing was to quit.so if ur conscience condemns u and u keep doin it , it is a sin
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your time to comment Anonymous I will provide a detailed response, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post. You maybe selected.
DeleteI would love to know who you are, if you are selected as a winner. Feel free to contact me via lafunkybabz@gmail.com
kissn can lead one to sin.y wud u want to du smthing dat can ruin ur relationship wt God?trust me, kissn wont be enough wen u start u wud always want more.from kissing you wud want to touchn and from der u find urself doin d real thing, SEX.from xperience, everytym i kissed my friend, i realized dat day i will feel disconnectd from God i couldnt even pray, so i had to call it quits.if u do smthin and ur conscience condemns u, den it is a sin.flee 4rm everythn dat looks lyk evil.
ReplyDeleteThank you for taking your time to comment Anonymous. I would love to know who you are. Kindly contact me on lafunkybabz@gmail.com I will provide a detailed response to all the question, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post. You maybe selected.
DeleteI like all the contributions so far. Good to see the views of other people. I usually just try to think of my actions and base it on the 2 greatest commandments i.e. (1) Love God. Love all that God loves and hate what he hates. Until one is your spouse, I think you should refrain from unnecessary physical contact as that would displease God. &
ReplyDelete(2) Love your neighbor as yourself. What you are doing, is it gonna cause your partner to sin? if so, do not do it. We ought to guard our hearts so that even if we do not end up in marriage with our intended spouse, we could look back and say we have treated one another in love and learnt from the relationship. In that way, no one feels used.
Having established that, I do not encourage kissing as it affects our spiritual walk with Christ as some above have pointed out in that it delivers more power/control to our physical as opposed to our spiritual.
On the other hand, I think romance is fine. This is based on the understanding that romance does not have to be physical. Words are a very powerful tool for romance as the book of Songs of Solomon shows.
Finally, I think it is possible to date/court without kissing and romance but I do think romance is vital. It is difficult and not achievable by our own power though. We would need to renew our minds constantly, only think of things that are good, noble, trustworthy and admirable while also being careful with the company we keep and the things we watch and listen to.
Thank you for taking your time to comment Opeyemi. I will provide a detailed response, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post.
DeleteHmmm . . . Interesting comments. "awaken not love until the time is right" is a quote from SoS 2:7. Solomon, having been a record holder with women surely, should know what he's talking about right? If you don't want to burn your fingers, why do you then want to use the same to check the temperature of the fire on the stove? Kissing leads to feelings and longings that should be left sleeping till marriage because it's intended to be the road to a destination; sex. Imagine, kissing someone, what thoughts are going on in your head? You're definitely not thinking of KFC or EastEnders especially if you enjoyed it. You're thinking of having more and gratifying the desires of your human nature and as you're thinking about it, it's the same as having done it as Jesus clearly explained.
ReplyDeleteAbout romance, I'd have to agree with Opeyemi that it doesn't have to involve physical contact of kissing and all. Words (not dirty talk please) are there, gifts, acts of service, spending quality time discussing and planning the future of the relationship and it goes on and on. Once kissing, sex and the others are involved the next we hear is: "love is blind" Lol!!! Omo! Open ya eyes!!
If you're already involved in kissing and the rest, this is not to condemn you but to let you know that there is a better way, God's way and now is the time to take His route of purity in every aspect of your life including your relationship.
PS: After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing na abi no be so? Omo, chillax till then.
Chale, I like!
DeleteThank you for taking your time to comment Twale. I will provide a detailed response, this will be a new post. Watch out for the post on Monday. The winners of the give-aways will be revealed on Monday, this will be posted with the new post.
DeleteHow do I tell my boyfriend this? We've dated for more than 2yrs without sex. I Know HE LOVES ME SO much to b able to cope with dat but he can't do without romancing me cos dats d alternative he has. Most times after engaging in such romance with him, I find it difikult to pray nd fil guilty. Pls I nid ur advice on wot to do?
ReplyDeleteI believe I have responded to you via email. You can reply here or via trulymakingadifference@gmail.com
DeleteRegarding the question you've asked, I'd like to ask you a couple of questions that, by God's grace, would enable me address your concern.
The first are: "Are you a born-again Christian?" and "Is your boyfriend a born-again Christian?"
The second are: "What do you mean that relationship is growing stronger? How is it growing stronger?"
The third are: "Are your parents, elder siblings or your Pastor aware that you're in a relationship with him?"
The fourth is: "Why are you in the relationship? Is it meant to lead to marriage?"
While I still await the answers to the questions I've asked, I'd like to let commend your for not succumbing to the pressure to have sex so far. Being a Virgin is okay but what God wants from us is total purity which is more than being a virgin. Please check out this post I wrote on Purity http://lafunky.blogspot.co.uk/2014/05/i-kept-my-virginity-not-my-purity.html
I know that there is the pressure to engage in all those acts of "romance" and even sex but I can assure you that God won't be happy with you and I can sense from your email that you don't feel happy about it too. So, I'd ask, who would you like to make happy, your boyfriend or God?
I'd like to encourage you with this scripture in 1Cor 6:18-20 "Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. Don’t you realize that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit, who lives in you and was given to you by God? You do not belong to yourself, for God bought you with a high price. So you must honour God with your body." Your body belongs to God and so please be encouraged to keep it safe from sin
I'd stop here for now till I hear back from you.
May God bless you and keep you strong in Jesus' name.
Myss Lafunky's Blog
I appreciate all the comments and everything, I have kept myself well but I met this guy recently, and we became close and everytime we meet he always get close, kissing and toucheee, it was the first for me and everytime I feel uncomfortable, unhappy, disappointed at myself and feel dirty even though we've never had sex, I feel bad, but after reading all this comment, I will try to fix this, if he can't do without it then we call it quits
ReplyDeleteI hope you have tried to fix it and you are staying pure sexually.
Delete