Don't Judge Me: I'm in love and I do not kiss. Yes! It is Possible!

Happy Monday to you all!

Hope you had a great weekend.

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Here is my write-up to the question that was asked last week:

The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship. 

While the Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God, unless we want to fool ourselves.

I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media have influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.

In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT. 

Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.

Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).

Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman”. It is therefore impossible to kiss and at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.

Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing. Let’s be on this journey together, regardless if you are in a short or long distance relationship.

It is possible to stay pure; it is all in the mind and having self-control.  Also, regularly reading relevant scriptures and articles in relation to staying pure in courtship would help.

If we want to pursue godliness, it is simply the wrong question to ask. The questions we should ask ourselves are:

1. Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?
2. Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?
3. Does it reflect purity?
4. Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?
5. What do you think God will do if He was in your shoe?
6. Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5

From the questions that I usually receive and the discussions that I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop. 

If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desires).  And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.

It is to be noted that no Christians that engaged in THKS prior to their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice that they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.

Notes

·        If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.

·         Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.

·         Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.

·         Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.

·         If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advice you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.  

·         God said that, whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13.  Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.

·         In terms of romance, I agree with one of the comments in the question (read last week's post) asked that, expressing your love is pre-requisite in courtship (nonetheless we must be careful of the choice of words and the choice of things that we do). 

·        One of the people that commented suggested , expressing your romance through careful choice of words, gifts, acts of service, learning about each other’s character, etc.

·         I know some of you are thinking that, it is impossible not to kiss and romance (touching, sexual behaviour). Trust me, it is possible, I am following it and I know a number of people that adhere to it.

Final words:

1.    You are in charge of your body.

2.    You must make every effort to stay pure.

3.    You must practice self-control.

4.    You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said can two walk together except they agree?  Amos 3:3).

5.    Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong.

6.    Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.

You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.

You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God'.

Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.

True love will not want you to disobey God.

A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.

The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries.  It also makes one to have a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.

Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar's wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him. 

I will end this write-up with Twale’s comment: “After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax".  

In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.

Action Point

Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you are able to conquer today will mostly likely be conquered by your generations. Start a good chain of living right today.

Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie.  Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn't fully repent and terminate it?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name. 

Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.

Give Away!!!
The winners of last week's give aways are Ifekt, Twale, Opeyemi and Patience. The winners will be contacted soon. Congratulations!

- Myss Lafunky

(During courtship) Is kissing and Romance a sin? (Check out the Give-aways)

Hi Readers and followers,

Questions

Is kissing sinful in Christian Courtship?
Is romance a sin during Christian Courtship?

Answer

I believe kissing and romance during courtship is a sin.

Kissing takes our mind away from God, and it increases one’s sexual tension for one’s partner.

Kissing is also difficult to STOP when one engages in it and your imagination is very likely to wander and you may want to take it to the next stage (Physical touching, caressing, fingering, sex, oral sex, amongst others).

Remember, the Bible says in Matthew 5: 28 that, “But I tell you that if anyone looks at a woman and wants to sin sexually with her, in his mind he has already done that sin with the woman”. It is therefore impossible to kiss and at the same time, refrain one’s imagination from running wild.

Why not take a stand for total purity and not engage in kissing. Let’s be on this journey together, regardless if you are in a short or long-distance relationship.

It is possible to stay pure; it is all in the mind and having self-control.  Also, regularly read relevant scriptures and articles about staying pure in courtship would help.

If we want to pursue godliness, it is simply the wrong question to ask. The questions we should ask ourselves are:

1. Would we confidently describe kissing our fiancé/fiancée/boyfriend/girlfriend as holy and honourable to God?
2. Was the kissing done to satisfy lust or was it to honour God with our bodies?
3. Does it reflect purity?
4. Do you feel kissing and romancing is a holy act?
5. What do you think God will do if He was in your shoe?
6. Whatever you did if it is kissing or romance, was there a hint of sexual immorality? Ephesians 5:3-5.

From the questions that I usually receive and the discussions that I have engaged in, a lot of people who justify pre-marital sexual involvement (including kissing, touching, etc) are those who are currently engaging in it. However, people do want to stop it, but because they had started it already, it becomes difficult to stop. 

The no THKS (No inappropriate Touching, no inappropriate Hugging, no inappropriate Kissing and no Sex) is a useful tool to utilise in a Christian courtship. 

While the Bible did not explicitly state that kissing is a sin, however, what tends to happen after the ‘K’ does not and will not please God unless we want to fool ourselves.

I believe the way love has been portrayed in society and in the media have influenced how some Christians view love during their courtship.

In our relationship, we must be pure throughout; we must DARE to be DIFFERENT. 

If you haven’t started the THKS, I would encourage you not to go near it (Do not awaken love until it is so desired).  And if you have started it and you are looking for ways to stop, please keep reading this post for suggestions on how to stop.

It is to be noted that no Christians that engaged in THKS before their marriage would look back and defend that it was a good choice that they made, and neither would they encourage you to engage in it.

Notes

·        If you have engaged in any of the THKS, it is still possible to stop it.

·        Start renewing your mind with the Word of God. The Word of God would influence and change you.

·        Ask God to embrace you again. God is a God of a second chance. He is ready to forgive and cleanse us, once we ask for His mercy.

·        Start building friends and mentors that will guide you in the right way.

·        If you are in a relationship and you can’t stop engaging in the THKS, I will advise you and your partner to SPEAK out, SEEK SUPPORT, and if you still can’t stop, to honour God, the solution is to end the relationship.  

·        God said that whoever covers his or her sin will not prosper Proverbs 28:13.  Please, stop hiding it; speak out so that you can be FREE from it.

·      

Final words:

1.    You are in charge of your body.

2.    You must make every effort to stay pure.

3.    You must practice self-control.

4.    You and your partner must have convictions not to engage in it. If it is only one person that has the conviction, you are likely to fall, until both of you agree. (God said can two walk together except they agree?  Amos 3:3).

5.    Think about your future testimony with your children. What would you tell them? Are you going to tell them that God transformed you along the way when you fell into sin or are you going to tell them that you continued to engage in what you felt was wrong?

6.    Start reading books, articles, having discussions about showing love in a Christian courtship.

You have the opportunity to get it right before it is too late.

You can look back from today and say ‘when I knew the right way of courting, I courted my boyfriend the way that was pleasing to God'.

Remember, true love in line with 1 Corinthians 13:4-7 waits.

True love will not want you to disobey God.

A man or a lady that insists on kissing and touching is more in love with his or her body than implementing self-control to stay off sexual immorality.

The right way of courtship brings peace, joy and no worries.  It also makes one have a good testimony. The wrong way brings shame, guilt, lack of trust, punishments from God, etc.

Remember Joseph feared God, he ran away from sexual things from Potiphar's wife.
Also remember that despite that God loved David, when he committed sexual sin, God punished him. 

I will end this write-up with Twale’s comment: “After marriage, I'm sure many people would be tired of kissing, right? Therefore, please chillax".  

In other words, there will be many opportunities within marriage to express your love to your spouse. You won’t be guilty neither would you be committing sin.

Action Point

Pastor Adeboye said that ‘the weakness you can conquer today will most likely be conquered by your generations. Start a good chain of living right today.

Abraham lied little, Isaac lied more, Jacob was worse with his lie.  Can you see how the sin affected their generations because Abraham started the lie and he didn't fully repent and terminate it?

Prayer

Lord Jesus, please help me to overcome every weakness in my life in Jesus name. 

Help me to have victory over every weakness in my life. I will not pass seeds of weaknesses to my children and the generations to come in Jesus name.

-Myss Lafunky

20 Marriage Tips Everyone Needs to Know (Reblog)

Hi readers & followers,

The author of the below post stated that if the reader found wisdom in the post, we should share it with others. I knew my readers would find it very informative.  Here it goes:

Below are 20 wise marriage tips from a man that was recently divorced. You wouldn’t normally think that a divorced man would give good advice on being a husband, but this man has been through enough hardship to know what is worth fighting for:

MARRIAGE ADVICE I WISH I WOULD HAVE HAD:

Obviously, I’m not a relationship expert. But there’s something about my divorce being finalized this week that gives me perspective of things I wish I would have done different… After losing a woman that I loved, and a marriage of almost 16 years, here’s the advice I wish I would have had…

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN’T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don’t take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

4) ALWAYS SEE THE BEST in her. Focus only on what you love. What you focus on will expand. If you focus on what bugs you, all you will see is reasons to be bugged. If you focus on what you love, you can’t help but be consumed by love. Focus to the point where you can no longer see anything but love, and you know without a doubt that you are the luckiest man on earth to be have this woman as your wife.

5) IT’S NOT YOUR JOB TO CHANGE OR FIX HER… your job is to love her as she is with no expectation of her ever changing. And if she changes, love what she becomes, whether it’s what you wanted or not.

6) TAKE FULL ACCOUNTABILITY for your own emotions: It’s not your wife’s job to make you happy, and she CAN’T make you sad. You are responsible for finding your own happiness, and through that your joy will spill over into your relationship and your love.

7) NEVER BLAME your wife If YOU get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you feel those feelings take time to get present and to look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed. You were attracted to this woman because she was the person best suited to trigger all of your childhood wounds in the most painful way so that you could heal them… when you heal yourself, you will no longer be triggered by her, and you will wonder why you ever were.

Allow your woman to JUST BE. When she’s sad or upset, it’s not your job to fix it, it’s your job to HOLD HER and let her know it’s ok. Let her know that you hear her, and that she’s important and that you are that pillar on which she can always lean. The feminine spirit is about change and emotion and like a storm her emotions will roll in and out, and as you remain strong and unjudging she will trust you and open her soul to you… DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.

9) BE SILLY… don’t take yourself so damn seriously. Laugh. And make her laugh. Laughter makes everything else easier.

10) FILL HER SOUL EVERYDAY… learn her love languages and the specific ways that she feels important and validated and CHERISHED. Ask her to create a list of 10 THINGS that make her feel loved and memorize those things and make it a priority everyday to make her feel like a queen.

11) BE PRESENT. Give her not only your time, but your focus, your attention and your soul. Do whatever it takes to clear your head so that when you are with her you are fully WITH HER. Treat her as you would your most valuable client. She is.

12) BE WILLING TO TAKE HER SEXUALLY, to carry her away in the power of your masculine presence, to consume her and devour her with your strength, and to penetrate her to the deepest levels of her soul. Let her melt into her feminine softness as she knows she can trust you fully.

13) DON’T BE AN IDIOT…. And don’t be afraid of being one either. You will make mistakes and so will she. Try not to make too big of mistakes, and learn from the ones you do make. You’re not supposed to be perfect, just try to not be too stupid.

14) GIVE HER SPACE… The woman is so good at giving and giving, and sometimes she will need to be reminded to take time to nurture herself. Sometimes she will need to fly from your branches to go and find what feeds her soul, and if you give her that space she will come back with new songs to sing…. (okay, getting a little too poetic here, but you get the point. Tell her to take time for herself, ESPECIALLY after you have kids. She needs that space to renew and get re-centered, and to find herself after she gets lost in serving you, the kids and the world.)

15) BE VULNERABLE… you don’t have to have it all together. Be willing to share your fears and feelings, and quick to acknowledge your mistakes.

16) BE FULLY TRANSPARENT. If you want to have trust you must be willing to share EVERYTHING… Especially those things you don’t want to share. It takes courage to fully love, to fully open your heart and let her in when you don’t know i she will like what she finds… Part of that courage is allowing her to love you completely, your darkness as well as your light. DROP THE MASK… If you feel like you need to wear a mask around her, and show up perfect all the time, you will never experience the full dimension of what love can be.

17) NEVER STOP GROWING TOGETHER… The stagnant pond breeds malaria, the flowing stream is always fresh and cool. Atrophy is the natural process when you stop working a muscle, just as it is if you stop working on your relationship. Find common goals, dreams and visions to work towards.

18) DON’T WORRY ABOUT MONEY. Money is a game, find ways to work together as a team to win it. It never helps when teammates fight. Figure out ways to leverage both persons strength to win.

19) FORGIVE IMMEDIATELY and focus on the future rather than carrying weight from the past. Don’t let your history hold you hostage. Holding onto past mistakes that either you or she makes, is like a heavy anchor to your marriage and will hold you back. FORGIVENESS IS FREEDOM. Cut the anchor loose and always choose love.

20) ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. ALWAYS CHOOSE LOVE. In the end, this is the only advice you need. If this is the guiding principle through which all your choices is governed, there is nothing that will threaten the happiness of your marriage. Love will always endure.

In the end MARRIAGE isn’t about Happily ever after. It’s about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come.

Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

These are lessons I learned the hard way. These are lessons I learned too late.

But these are lessons I am learning and committed in carrying forward. Truth is, I LOVED being married, and in time, I will get married again, and when I do, I will build it with a foundation that will endure any storm and any amount of time.

If you are reading this and find wisdom in my pain, share it those those young husbands whose hearts are still full of hope, and with those couples you may know who may have forgotten how to love. One of those men may be like I was, and in these hard earned lessons perhaps something will awaken in him and he will learn to be the man his lady has been waiting for.

The woman that told him ‘I do’, and trusted her life with him, has been waiting for this man to step up.

If you are reading this and your marriage isn’t what you want it to be, take 100% responsibility for YOUR PART in marriage, regardless of where your spouse is at, and commit to applying these lessons while there is time.

MEN- THIS IS YOUR CHARGE : Commit to being an EPIC LOVER. There is no greater challenge, and no greater prize. Your woman deserves that from you.

Be the type of husband your wife can’t help but brag about.

-Gerald Rogers.

The above tips can be applied by women/wife as well.