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Some of my friends and sisters had discussions about friendships with our married friends. Some have found that, once their girlfriends tied the knot, they automatically stopped contacting them, they reduce talking to them, they act as if they are superior to them, etc. Some states that their single friends are likely to influence them negatively and they probably won't understand their burdens/marriage issues, hence they are advised during pre-marital counselling to stay away from their single friends.
I've only had one or two encounters in relation to my married friends ignoring me. I was shocked initially but I comforted myself with the Word of God, especially the scripture that states that, "at the appointed time...." Nonetheless, it is to be noted that I have friends who regularly keep in touch despite being married. Kudos to them!!! I have learnt a few things from them.
Have you experienced your friends cutting you off after they tied the knot?
Do you as a single lady/man cut off with your married friends once they tie the knot?
Should our friendships be based on our marital status? I'm aware that there are more issues apart from marital status, it could be not giving birth on time could also cause a drift in friendship.
Are singles known to influence their married friends negatively?
Your comments are welcome!
- Myss Lafunky
It seems to be an understood position by our parents that women have a way of drawing back on their contacts/friends when they marry to enable them give their entire being to their husbands.
ReplyDeleteMarriage has a way of changing the individuals involved inclusive of their perception of loyalty. Loyalty is essentially to each other (spouses) as well as to God the creator. The women wld tend to withdraw that grad open up to important contacts minding the extent she relates wth them.
Thank you for your comment anonymous. So it is usually women that withdraw from their friends not necessary the men/husband that withdraw from their friends. Perhaps it is to fulfil the scripture that states that 'a wise woman keeps her home'.
DeleteFriendship should be based on values. If the values you and your friend(s) share do not change after marriage, then the friendship is safe. Otherwise, you would be best served staying away and spending the precious little time you have with those who share your values.
ReplyDeleteThank you Opeyemi for your comment. I agree with the notion that 'friendship should be based on values'. As some people who may have the same marital status as one may not share/have similar values.
DeleteThe ? That may ring in me is where lies the concept of friendship within the marriage arena. It may be normal to be selective about friendships and to find a proper definition bout our friends but it looks abnormal how persons we once believed in confided in seem nt to exist or be part of our lives cos we've joinned the league of the married.
ReplyDeleteIt seems a proper orientation bout what genuine friendships is need be obtained and hw such genuine friendships can be attained.
Thank you for your comment. I understand your view, however it could be argued that genuine friendship could be for a period not necessarily for a lifetime.
Deletemarriage life can be so busy that you ave little time for friends. im sure it isnt intentional
ReplyDeleteThank you Israel for your comment. I guess one of the reasons could be 'being too busy'. So far, all the comments have been from men. Perhaps men do not have an issue with it.
DeletePersonally, i think your marital status changes ur priorities. If you have friends that understand and respect that, their won't be conflict. Regardless of my status, i still try to keep in touch with my friends and keep the friendship. Is all about balancing your marriage and your friendship.
ReplyDeleteThank you Anonymous. Should I assume that you are a married woman? You made a valid point. It is about balancing one's marriage and friendship with others effectively. There's a Christian book (Disciplined Godly man-I think that's the title) that talks about building good support networks apart from one's husband/wife as one cannot be an island in marriage. However, with more years in marriage, we develop ways and strategies to use to maintain our friendship with others irrespective of their status. I'm glad that people are offering different perspectives.
DeleteD..... ur married friend :)
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