Should Friendships be Based on our Marital Status?

Happy Bank holiday to readers and followers in England. For many of us, it is a pleasant day off work, school, etc. Some of us may choose to take a short trip, weekend away, shopping, time to the sea side, a day out with our loved ones, Notting Hill Carnival, etc.  Others use today to catch up with friends, family, their children or do home maintenance. 

Have fun everyone!!! If you don't know what to do, why not take a walk to the park, walk down your street, read inspiring blogs online, watch a movie online, read the book of Proverbs in the Bible. 

Some of my friends and sisters had discussions about friendships with our married friends. Some have found that, once their girlfriends tied the knot, they automatically stopped contacting them, they reduce talking to them, they act as if they are superior to them, etc. Some states that their single friends are likely to influence them negatively and they probably won't understand their burdens/marriage issues, hence they are advised during pre-marital counselling to stay away from their single friends.

I've only had one or two encounters in relation to my married friends ignoring me. I was shocked initially but I comforted myself with the Word of God, especially the scripture that states that, "at the appointed time...." Nonetheless, it is to be noted that I have friends who regularly keep in touch despite being married. Kudos to them!!! I have learnt a few things from them.

Have you experienced your friends cutting you off after they tied the knot?

Do you as a single lady/man cut off with your married friends once they tie the knot?

Should our friendships be based on our marital status?  I'm aware that there are more issues apart from marital status, it could be not giving birth on time could also cause a drift in friendship.

Are singles known to influence their married friends negatively?  

Your comments are welcome!

- Myss Lafunky

GOD OR MAN: WHICH IS SUITABLE AS A MENTOR. Part 1

Hi readers and followers,

Happy Monday!

Wishing you a lovely and productive week.

The below post is by my friend-Tosin, a regular writer on my blog.

GOD OR MAN: WHICH IS SUITABLE AS A MENTOR. Part 1

The relationship between men can be likened to be a very strong magnetic field as men require each other to survive. Irrespective of the struggle to attain independence which is often attained in terms of individual men being able to decide for themselves what they require, what they want and what they would love to see attained, does not remove in anyway whatsoever the need for interaction with other fellow men who share like minds, similar vision, similar motivation as well as similar beliefs.

It is not strange among men to have a man standing in the capacity of Mentor for reasons not usually beyond the truth that such person has achieved something which is enviable and could be taught to another so as to become like such person. Mentorship seems to relate properly with the word ‘perfection’. This relationship is so because when man looks up to another he sees as perfect example and takes every utterance made as a stamp print of what things ought to be even when such person classified mentor is in error as he too is in learning process though it’s never in the open to the mentored nor is it admitted in the open that the issue on the floor is not known.

For the believer man does not qualify to be a mentor simply because man is not the best example for fellow man. Man relationship with each other would rather be likened to magnet; which are attracted to each other for specific reasons. Scriptures encourage fellowship with one another as iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17). The fact that there is a spiritual grace on another does not place such as superior or perfect over the other but rather puts such man in a position to offer something that has made him as he is. 

Every man has a good quality or the other as well as a bad quality which can be added to another or sought to be removed from another for instance a giver would love to see another who is stingy to develop the habit of giving because of blessings associated with giving more, so giving reaches out to others and opens doors rather than blocking avenues to be blessed or blocking opportunities and in the same vein a thief will not want to show another the path to steal because of the many troubles associated with it but would rather require one to lead him out of it or he would be planning on how a final operation could be done for the jinx to be broken.

Paul told the early church to be followers of him (Paul) as he was of Christ. Christ was higher than Paul in all ramifications and had the best of answers to the questions of Paul. When Paul was formerly Saul it was Christ who appeared to him knowing Paul never knew the implication of what he was doing and gave him a better job to do which had higher and better benefit as money. What Paul was getting as a murderer was nothing compared to the eternal riches which could be attained upon submission to Christ.. 

Christ had the better option and alternative. Man would always have an option as the Pharisees and Sadducees had when Christ was on earth  but their option or stand was inferior to Christ in all ways so though some persons looked up to them as mentors they were getting something  inferior. The disciples had the perfect mentor with them hence they could align themselves with all they heard from him in response to their questions and to what he shared with them even after he had ascended back to heaven and sent the Holy Spirit to continue with them.

Man cannot have Christ as a mentor and still put his hope on fellow man. No singular man has all the answers but Christ has. Our professors, lecturers, teachers, pastors, colleagues and family lack 100% answers to the issues that bug or plague us, they only give us opinionated responses based on the extent to which they know and a new acquisition of knowledge can cause them to change their standpoint earlier presented which displaces them from being true mentors. 

Mentors are known for providing correct answers which can stand the time but when answers can change or be questioned when man is involved the ideal of having a mentor as a man is in question. 

Part 2 of this post will be available next week Monday morning. Watch out for it.

-   Oluwatosin Olatoye

About the writer: Tosin is a trained Lawyer. He is single and lives in Warri, Nigeria.  Tosin has a passion for God and everything to do with living right for God.  Since I have known Tosin, every conversation that we have always revolves around building our faith in Christ.  

Thank you so much Tosin.

Be sociable and share this post!

TGIF..When single ladies hang out.... here it goes..

It is to be noted that not all single ladies are SSS (Seriously Single and Searching). The term ‘single’ is used to describe people that are not married. Some of my girlfriends are not SSS.

I'm not sure if you are aware, I actually derive satisfaction when I engage in discussions that pertain to relationships.

My girlfriends and I hung out recently. We engaged in various discussions ranging from sex in marriage, the wedding night, the role of a man in marriage, the role of the wife in marriage, our parents’ generation/how the men took the financial responsibilities, etc. We also discussed the wedding proposal.

Basically, most (male) celebrities are proposing to their girlfriends by purchasing exotic cars (Range Rover, Bentley, Audi, etc) as proposal gifts. The marriage proposal is one of the most incredible and memorable moments in every woman’s life - One of the happiest days of a lady. The engagement is a prelude to marriage. The proposal sometimes comes with a beautiful ring (Would you inform your guy the type of ring that you would like?). Some guys also look forward to the day that they will propose to their special lady. 

We all said that male celebrities are setting the standard; therefore our Christian men must do better.

Our discussions entailed:

Girlfriend A: I would love my hubby-to-be to take me on an inclusive/exclusive trip abroad, and he should propose to me while we are on holiday. In order not to defile the marriage bed, I will sleep in a different room in the hotel.

Girlfriend B: I wouldn't want my guy to propose in a public place because I view proposal as an intimate act.  My guy knows the type of lady that I am; therefore I'm expecting him to have put a lot of thought and creativity into it.

Girlfriend C: I don’t really mind how my man proposes as long as we marry.

Girlfriend D: I don’t mind the cost of the engagement ring neither do I mind the location that he is going to pop the question, all I want is for us to marry and to build our home.

Girlfriend E: He is aware that he must give me a ring, if the ring is too expensive, I would find a way for us to return the ring and save the money for our future home.

Male friend A: My proposal ring for my babe will be worth 3 times of my salary. 

Married friend A: I didn't propose to my wife, I didn't give her an engagement ring. I just told her that it is about time we chose a wedding date.

Married friend B: My husband did not give me an engagement ring, if he had, I would have been too embarrassed to wear it.

During the above discussions, we were all shouting on top of our voices, we all wanted to get our views across.

By the way, some of the guys said that, celebrities are people of the world, they are not Born Again Christians, and therefore Christians single ladies must not expect their hubby-to-be to give them a brand new car/an expensive gift for wedding proposal.  Also, it was argued that an engagement ring is not biblical. One of the guys expressed that the greatest gift that a Christian single man can give to his girlfriend is a Bible. Seriously Bible???

Someone else asked, what if after the proposal, the couple decide to separate, would the expensive gift be returned with the engagement ring? Some of my girlfriends said that they would not return the expensive gift, however they would return the engagement ring. To show you are a responsible adult and for God not to hold you accountable, it is advisable to return the ring and any gifts to one's ex. 

What are your views? 

Must a guy propose before you can choose your wedding date? 

Are expensive gifts pre-requisite for proposal?

Did your husband propose to you?

Did you propose to your wife?

What is your understanding of proposal? 

Would you eat the foods?

Hi readers and followers, my sincere apologies for being silent. I have just realised that I haven’t posted for the last two weeks.  Thanks to those that asked why I have not posted any articles, and my sincere gratitude to friends that are eager to write on my blog, and finally, I appreciate readers and followers that informed me about things that they have learnt from my blog.  It’s interesting some of the things that people have mentioned.

Back to the main topic, before I wander off. Were you aware that it was Eid/Muslim celebration recently? 

I was within a group where the people that I was with brought tantalising foods and drinks for us to celebrate Eid.  Since I decided to allow Christ to live through me, I have been cautious of eating religious celebration foods except for Christmas and Easter. I believed that as Born Again Christians, we are not to eat celebration foods apart for Christmas and Easter foods. Am I being rigid with godly principles?  

Recently, I was tempted to let my guard down. The aroma of various delicacies that I perceived were irresistible, I couldn't oppose eating the foods. I asked an acquaintance what the foods were for, and I was told that we were celebrating Eid. I totally ignored my view about not eating celebration foods other than that of Christmas and Easter, I took a plate and fork, I went to the eating area and I helped myself to the buffet or like my friend called it ‘unlimited foods’.  

While I was eating the foods, I contacted Mr S and I told him about it. He was actually shocked that I ate the foods, the first question that he asked me was, “I thought you don’t eat other celebration foods?”  My response “Oh yes, I don’t but I couldn't resist the aroma and all the colourful foods around me. Also, didn't God say that we should rejoice with those who rejoice?” After my discussion with Mr S, I felt really guilty for eating the food.

Mr S advised me to read 1 Corinthians 8 and Romans 14. Just to let you know that despite Mr S being a Spirit filled Born Again Christian, he does not have a problem with eating other celebration foods.  He is of the view that all things were made by God and once he has blessed the foods, he has not sinned. I took my time to study 1 Corinthians 8 and Romans 14 (I would advise you to read it as well). My conclusion and understanding from reading those scriptures are:

I must not condemn other Christians that eat celebration foods apart from Christmas and Easter foods. 

All foods are right to eat but it is wrong to eat what causes others with a weaker conscience to stumble or sin.  If it does, I must not eat it. But how would I know that it would cause others to sin?

It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or do anything that will cause your brother or sister to sin.

I must also ensure that if others view me as someone that is biblically knowledgeable, they may violate their conscience by eating such foods because they have seen me.

There is only one God – Our Father through our Lord Jesus Christ, all things came from him and we live for him. All things were made through him.

In the kingdom of God, eating and drinking are not important. The important things are living right with God, peace, and joy in the Holy Spirit.

Finally, Romans 14 verse 23 states that “If you have doubts about whether or not you should eat something, you are sinning if you go ahead and do it.  For you are not following your convictions.   If you do anything you believe is not right, you are sinning”.

Given that I had doubts for eating the foods, I would not eat it in the future. I must however remember that I cannot condemn other believers.

- Myss Lafunky

Do you eat celebration foods?

What if you and your partner share different perspectives about eating celebration foods? 

How would you compromise? 

 How would you bring up your children in regards to this?

Letting Go Of Anger

Hi readers, how is your week going? I can’t believe it’s the first day of August. 

If it had not been for the Lord, where would I be? I thank God for the month of August. God has kept us from 1st Jan -1st August 2013. Some people are sick, some have passed away, some people are rejoicing in great blessings, some people have celebrated their birthdays, some people have married,  people have celebrated their wedding anniversary, some have started a new relationship, and some people have given birth. Some people have graduated. Some have broken up, some people have obtained promotion and some people have relocated. 

A lot has happened already in this year 2013. I bless Jesus for the remaining 5 months.

Basically, I have been pondering on how we Christians manage our anger.   Anger is known to be the most violent of human emotions.  I read an article recently on a blog, the lady was extremely angry with her cousin who drove her car to a different city without notifying her. She was infuriated.  People advised her not to ever allow her cousin to use her car anymore. Some people said they would have cursed their cousin.

Having read the article, I deliberated on Christian conduct. How would I react if my cousin drove my car to a different city without my permission?

When you become a Christian, your conduct and character should undergo certain changes.  One of these changes has to do with outbursts of anger, temper, getting annoyed easily with others, trying to get your own way at all times, being selfish, etc.  As Christians, we are to react in a ‘Christian way’ in terms of our anger and temper. We should not lose our temper easily.

Are you thinking to yourself, how I do react in a 'Christian way' when person A lied against me?

Managing my Anger...

I must state that I still get angry; however, I continue to open my heart to accommodate offences and I am learning to forgive easily.  Although this is my guide, I also ensure that I do not speak when I am angry, as I’d previously noted that I had said unpleasant things when I was angry. 

The key tip that I was given is: “To be slow to speak”, which can be linked to the Bible scripture below:

“Remember this, my dear brothers and sisters: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and should not get angry easily. An angry person doesn’t do what God approves of.  So get rid of all immoral behaviour and all the wicked things you do. Humbly accept the word that God has placed in you. This word can save you” (James 1:19-21).

Also, I usually pray to God about the offence and the individual that has offended me. Once this has been done, I ensure that I do not dislike the offender.  Isn't it strange that while I may categorise an individual to be an offender, the person may also see me as an offender? Hmm...

Before concluding this post, I would like to suggest TEN practical steps for anger management (from a Christian perspective):

1)    Admit your anger: When you become angry, admit it. Don’t deny and say that you are not angry when it is apparent.

     2)    Tell God about it: Tell God about what makes you angry, tell God to help you with your emotions. Tell Him continuously. Continue to tell Him until you see a change in yourself.

3)    Do not speak when you are angry: Your words are likely to hurt others when you speak, your words may be used against you when you speak whilst being angry.  In addition, when we are angry, we tend to speak harsh words. 

4)    In silence shall your strength be (Isaiah 30:15b).  A friend of mine once told me that 1000 words cannot give you the power in silence.

5)    A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare (Proverbs 15:1). Therefore, we need to learn to be soft-spoken.

6)  Be kind with your words: Your kindness will reward you, but your cruelty will destroy you (Proverbs 11:17).

7)    Consider others people’s points of view. Do not be quick to get angry, because anger is typical of fools (Ecclesiastes 7:9).

8)    Don’t express your anger immediately: A fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back (Proverbs 29:11).

9)    Speak when you are calm and not angry.

10)  Deny your flesh (self): When you are a born again Christian, it is not God that allows you to get angry. When you get angry as a Christian, you become angry outside Christ; your flesh allows you to become angry.

God wants us to deny our flesh on a daily basis.

Luke 9:23 states that:

"If any man will come after Me, let him deny himself [deny flesh], and take up his cross daily, and follow Me."

To overcome anger and temper, we must deny our flesh, which is also refer to as our SELF.

What does it mean to "deny your flesh"?

To deny your flesh simply means to choose God's way of doing things instead of your own way of doing things.

As I have previously written on this blog (Refer to post: Why do you have to trim me?), sometimes God allows us to be in situations where we are mistreated, and where we may not be liked; this could be God’s way of helping us to deal with anger and temper (Pruning process).

Ask yourself:

a)   Do I get angry?

b)   What makes me angry?

c)   Is it when I do not get my own way?

d)   Is it my lack of patience?

e)   Is it what I have been exposed to?

f)    Strife?

g)   Betrayal?

Knowing the roots of the anger may help you to manage your anger effectively.

            Test your anger management skills:

·         When someone hits your car, how would you react?

·         When someone keeps you waiting for a long time? How would you manage your temper?

·         When someone says something that hurts you, how would you deal with it?

- Myss Lafunky