Readiness for Marriage...

    Are you ready for marriage?

I get amused sometimes when I see some posts on prayers for single ladies to agree in faith on getting husbands and some even go as far as giving ultimatums. Now, this is not bad in itself, it is however, incomplete to my mind.

CAVEAT!!- This does not apply to women who are still waiting but have gone through the process. God has got your back.

Just this morning, I was led to a truth. The question, are those of us who are waiting on God for husbands really (in every sense of the word) ready? Do we just want to get married because it is a societal norm or just because our friends are getting married every other Saturday?

I'd use myself as a case study. I decided that I would get married at 23 immediately after my call to the Nigerian Bar 'or so soon thereafter'. I prayed about it and was convinced it would happen by all means. That prayer was not answered; I was still single, that year, the year after that and the year after that. I was mad at God and wondered why He did not answer me. 

The truth I failed to admit to myself was that I wasn't ready to be in a marriage of any kind. I was not fully equipped to take care of any husband or even appreciate marriage in its totality. I was operating in an illusory world of just the wedding and not the thereafter. I hadn't built character, resolve, dedication, to mention a few.

At the time I had a steady stream of toasters, however, they did not stay around for so long. In retrospect, I can say unflinchingly, they sensed my UNPREPAREDNESS. I had unknowingly emitted signals of 'not-being-ready'. Small wonder, the status quo did not change.

In recent times, I found that I needed to go through the process of refining by God. It has been tough, I might add. I have been learning about communication, honing my listening skills, humility, feminine strength, tolerance, giving of myself and resources, sustaining friendships ( I have a phobia for prolonged friendships) and being productive,; first to myself and then to the people around me. 

I became so lost in this school that the 'surface desire' to have a man to call husband faded into the background. I got so wrapped up in adding value to my life that I began to attract many men. These 'many men' were of all kinds o! Spiro dey, Carnal dey, every every day. I attracted them and like white on rice. 

From this is a lesson 

·         Every good thing is attractive

        ·         Everything that has value is sought after.


Still going through the preparation of the Almighty himself, he kept sieving and sieving and totally removing the unwanted in my life. The funny thing I noticed is that where I may have been deceived before by those 'highly spiro' brothers who had character defects, I am now more spiritually conscious and discerning. 

You see, that trap would never catch me. I had to go through the fire to know that. I am not there yet, where I can say this is CERTAINLY the man that is purpose-built for me but I can proudly say that by the grace of God, I will not be making those 'all-too-common mistakes' one finds in many-a-marital-arrangement today.

One thing keeps me going too, It's the deep knowing that God CHERISHES me, and because I am CONVINCED of this, I am hardly perturbed by the 'every-Saturday-wedding-sprees'. I attend as many as I can and am happy for them. I am cognizant of three things:

1. It is their time (to everything on earth, there are times and seasons) to get married.

2. Some of the couples have gone through the refining process, they probably learnt the lessons I should have, sooner than I did.

3. I'd never make the mistakes that those who didn't go through the refining process made.

To me, it's a win-win situation.

Finally Brethren. I choose not to surround myself with ladies whose constant conversation revolves around, how to get a husband, who and who are getting married, the 'seeming' lack of good men and other in- consequentialities (my invented word, synonym for trivialities).

- If I unfortunately find myself in the midst of these ladies, I have learned to tune out from those conversations and tune into God's word concerning me. This is extremely necessary because women generally are pressured when faced with constant talks of areas which we are lacking or at a disadvantage. We tend to begin to worry unnecessarily.

Ladies.....

• Add value to yourselves, mentally, spiritually, emotionally, socially etc.
• Go through the refining process of building character and learning purpose (you will want to end up with a reflection of you, being the reflection of God, yes?).
• Relax, Breathe, There's no hurry. It isn't a competition.
• Always ask God, to rejuvenate you, your skin, your looks, and the whole of you. You want to look dashing when you meet price charming, right? (I usually like it when a guy guesses my age to be younger than I actually am, It's the Lord's doing and it is marvellous in my eyes, hehehe!) 
• Surround yourselves with purpose driven women, you can never go wrong with a group of women fulfilling God's purpose. They are never idle and they spur you on to be better than you are presently.

This is by no means exhaustive but since I am not trying to write a book here, I must call it day on this. Let the Holy Spirit teach us and guide us appropriately.

-       Kemi Mildred Hughes

About the writer: Kemi is a legal practitioner by day and writer by night. An unfinished work in progress, she is a Christian with a love for God. She especially has a passion to reach out to young females. She is single and lives in Port Harcourt, Nigeria. 

Thank you so much Kemi.

Are you ready for marriage?

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