Kindly advice! Straight from the heart...Sexual sins

Hello readers, kindly advice one of my readers.  She will be extremely grateful for your comments.

Note: Esther is pseudonym, in order to protect the person's identity.

My name is Esther, I'm 27, and I work as a Biotechnologist. 

I'm a choir leader and a Sunday school teacher at my local church. 

My fiancé and I attend the same church.  He is also a Sunday school teacher and he is part of the instrumentalists.

I am grounded in the Word of God, likewise my boo is grounded in the Word.  My parents are Pastors; they taught me the Word of God since I was a child.  I am so grounded in the Word, to the extent that, I can quote any scriptures at any given time.

Since I started my relationship with my boo, 3 years ago, I have done things that I shouldn't do.  I continue to engage in oral sex with my boo.  From kissing, caressing, sexual intercourse, amongst others. We have done everything you can imagine.

Sometimes, we even have sex before Sunday service, yet, we both minister every Sunday.  We are both respected in church, and people come to us for advice. 

We both want to stop engaging in sexual sins but we just can’t.  Whenever we engage in sexual activities, we are quick to apologise to each other and to God.  We are aware that, it is a sin against God and a sin against our body, but we can’t seem to stop having sex.  We even promised each other that, we won’t visit each other any more  but I've noticed that, I always lure my boo to visit me, I always make him feel bad if he doesn't visit me.

I want to stop engaging in sexual sins, I need help, I can’t tell my Pastor or my counsellors as I feel that, my parents will find out, and they will be extremely disappointed.  They are extremely proud of me, I'm their golden daughter, academically I have done well, in my career I have achieved a lot.  They see me as a good role model to my siblings.  Whenever I visit my siblings, my conversations always revolve around the importance of staying pure sexually, yet I struggle with it.

Please help me! I want to stop sinning.  My boo also wants to stop.  He is actually not interesting in pre-marital sex but he engages in whatever I want, as he hates to see me upset.  I'm usually upset when I don’t get my way.

You may be thinking why am I not married,  my boo is still studying, we can’t marry until he obtains a job, with a good salary.  

The Fragrance You Shouldn’t Smell

   

All the Scriptures are taken from the King James’ Version of the Holy Bible.

So, I woke up this morning with the longing to have Cornflakes in fresh milk with some specially made hot-dog (which, by the way, is my cooking speciality *wink*). Boy! The thought of this made me smile when I got out of bed.  Have you ever had such an experience before or am I alone on this? Well, unfortunately, this smile was cut short when I remembered that I had chosen this particular day to fast and pray. “Why is it today that I had to wake up with such a longing?” I said to myself.

My longing for Cornflakes applies to THKS (Touching, Hugging, Kissing & Sex).

You may have never engaged in it or thought about it until you find yourself in a relationship where you and your partner have CHOSEN to say “No to THKS.”(Is it just me or this acronym kinda read like “No Thanks”?) You can be rest assured that no matter how godly minded you are (you fit be Pastor sef), the thought of giving THKS a shot will come; “Trying it out once shouldn't be as bad” and “I would just try one of the letters, maybe ‘K’ or ‘H’ ”, are thoughts that may run through our minds at times and trust me, when this thought comes intensely, especially if you’re physically with your partner, it's even much more difficult to dispose of it.

My Princess (Gosh! if you see her, you’ll understand that she’s really a Princess) recently told me what her mum said to her (and that’s where the title of this post came from) and it was “You don’t go around the kitchen trying to catch the aroma of the Soup you SHOULDN'T taste.” This applies so much to saying No to THKS.  If you SINCERELY do not want to engage in it, don’t try to catch the fragrance of it. This is even much more difficult for an intending couple where one or both of them had previously engaged in such.

So, let’s cut the chase. In my relationship, my Princess battles with the thought of the “K” while I struggle with thinking about the “T” and this happens mostly when WE ARE TOGETHER ALONE! So we both, TOGETHER, agreed to write out why we did not want to engage in it and we wrote out how to avoid it.

This is what we currently do:

1. We dedicated our bodies to God afresh, to be used for his pleasure (Rom 12:1).
2. We study God’s word TOGETHER regularly and remind ourselves of what love is [as written in 1Cor 13:4-8] You know, a man is a product of what he eats, both physically and spiritually.  Ask the guy who eats Burgers and Fries every day and he’ll tell you more (Col 3:16).
3. We avoid being together in an isolated place. We’re even careful about praying together in an isolated place; thank God for phones and the internet J (1 Cor 8:9).
4. We avoid engaging in any “X-rated” conversations (SoS 2:7, 1Pet 1:15).
5. We are not afraid to say “NO” to the other party. By the way, we sometimes get upset with the other party for saying NO in the heat of the moment but we’re fast to get back to our senses.

Finally, there’s ABSOLUTELY NO BENEFIT in THKS before marriage, and its presence in a relationship steers it towards the rocks because God is Love and anything contrary to God is contrary to Love and when the relationship is walking contrary to love, it most definitely will hit the rocks and shatter. 

Discipline + Self Control in a relationship is definitely a sign of a good marriage in the future.

DON’T DESTROY WHAT GOD IS BUILDING IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP, THKS CAN WAIT!

- Olorunfemi 

How do I love?

How do I LOVE?

Most of us probably tend to say to ourselves that: “I show love by giving”, or we literally say: “I show love by being kind”, “being patient”, by not disliking people, by not keeping record of wrongs, Ops!! I sometimes keep records of love, which I know that I shouldn't.  

In order for us to truly evaluate whether we are exhibiting ‘love’, we must implement 1 Corinthians 13, love principle.

1 Corinthians 13:4-8 (New Century Version):

·         Love is patient and kind.

^·           Love is not jealous, it does not brag, and it is not proud. 

·         Love is not rude, is not selfish, and does not get upset with others.

·         Love does not count up wrongs that have been done. 

·          Love takes no pleasure in evil but rejoices over the truth.  Love patiently accepts all things.

·         Love always trusts, always hopes, and always endures.

How do we implement the above?

The scripture says in Proverbs 18:21 that, “the tongue has the power of life and death (KJV)                           Or 

the Message bible explains the above scripture better:

“Words kill, words give life;
    they’re either poison or fruit—you choose” (Proverbs 18:21).

This means that, our words are packed with power for good and for evil.  Therefore, I would like you to encourage yourself by confessing the below; before you know it, you will start living what you confess. Try confessing it daily or just before breakfast or lunch as often as you remember. 

Change the word ‘love’ to your name and read 1 Corinthians 13 love principle to yourself on a daily basis.  To illustrate: ‘Debbie is kind’, “Jason is Patient”, etc. I confess 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8 daily and I have observed that, it is gradually helping me to show kindness to others, and I’m also not counting up wrongs that have been done *Nevertheless, I’m still working on it.

Be honest with yourself; accept the definition of love that clearly defines you.

I would like to challenge you to also accept and reflect on the ones that you think you are still working on. 

For example, you can ask yourself questions, such as: 

Why am I proud?

What are the things that I do that show that I am proud, how can I be humble?  

How can I depend on God to help me to be humble? 

Am I usually jealous of my friends? Why am I jealous of my friends?

Which of the above definition of love do you think you are exhibiting? Or are you still working on?

If you can identify yourself with at least one of 1 Corinthians 13 love principle, you are on your way to exhibiting all.

You can apply loving your spouse in light of 1 Corinthians 13.

Watch out for the next post!

The next post will be written by a friend. It’s going to be about: why one must avoid the ‘THK’ and its significance. He will also write about how he is implementing the rule in his relationship.  I'm excited to read the post as it will be written from a guy's perspective.

 - Myss Lafunky

Practical ways of showing love to someone that you do not care about

Though we are one spiritually with all other believers (Romans 12:5), we are entirely different physically,. i.e in our personalities, backgrounds, physical appearance, amongst others.   Given that, we are physically different, we tend to like certain people. This is not a sinful act, and it does not suggest that we do not love others.

Is the Holy Spirit speaking to you about a certain person that you do not love or that you loathe?  It may be a friend, a church member, a relative, a colleague, or your siblings?

You may want to show the person love but you are struggling.  

Here are PRACTICAL ways of showing love to someone that you have struggled to love:

                              Acknowledge your lack of love as a sin

Do not be in denial of God, the Lord can see your heart.

The scripture says in Jeremiah 17:10: “I the LORD searches the heart and examines the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve” (NIV).

Therefore, go boldly before your maker; acknowledge your lack of love.  

I must remember that, in Christ, I died to any sin, such as; the sin of not loving.

We can be free from any sin by counting on the fact that, in Christ, we died to that sin. 

The Bible says,

"What shall we say then? Shall we continue in sin, that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall we who died to sin live any longer in it?" Romans 6:1-2 (NIV) or NCV Version (So do you think we should continue sinning so that God will give us even more grace?  No! We died to our old sinful lives, so how can we continue living with sin?).

No Christian should continue to live in sin. Why? Because, in Christ, we died to sin. And in Christ, we died to the sin of ‘not loving’.

I tend to personalise scriptures to my life, let’s try and personalise Romans 6:1-2, change the word ‘sin’ to the word ‘unlove’.

What shall I say then? Shall I continue in this sin of unlove, that grace may abound? Certainly not! How shall I, who died to this sin of unlove, live any longer in it?

Must I be a slave to this sin of unlove the rest of my life? No! God's Word says that I died to this sin. I must step out in faith, believing God's Word.

Tell the Holy Spirit to help you, He is your helper (Psalm 54:4)

The Holy Spirit, which raised Jesus from the dead is living inside you (Romans 8:11), the Holy Spirit can help you. 

Zechariah 4:6 says: This is the word of the Lord to Zerubbabel: ‘You will not succeed by your own strength or by your own power, but by my Spirit,’ says the Lord All-Powerful (NCV version). 

The above scripture suggests that, we may choose to love someone that we don’t love but we will discover that, with our own power and strength, we cannot do it. 

We must DEPEND on the HOLY SPIRIT within us to enable us to love others. 

 

Pray for that Person (The Power of Prayer) 

The scripture says that “we should bless those who curse us, pray for those who are cruel to us” (Luke 6:27).

In no way am I suggesting that it is easy, it is rather difficult to pray for those who have hurt us or someone we do not love. We may even see it as being a fool or being offensive.

You can tell God directly how you feel.  

Here's a little Prayer:

“Dear Jesus, you know how difficult it is to love this person (insert the name), this person has hurt me, this person spoke badly against me; I ask for the Grace to love this person and to forgive this person.  I also ask for Grace to change my attitude towards this person.

I know you allowed this person to come across my path for a reason. Help me Lord to love (or forgive) this person.  In addition, help this person (insert the name) to love you and to continue to serve you diligently".

 

I know you are wondering, so what? Why should I love (or forgive) someone that I do not care about?

Here are the benefits:

• It removes the bitterness from your heart
• It energises you
• It brings inner peace
• Right position to receive from God
• It does not give room for unforgiveness

- Myss Lafunky

Happy Mother's Day to my UK readers.

Remembering those whose mother, wife, grandmother, Aunty, a mother figure has passed away. May the Holy Spirit comfort you. Thank God for the life they lived.  Proverbs 10:7 says that: "The memory of the righteous is blessed". Your mum is blessed.

- Myss Lafunky